I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
