Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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