She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
i need some magic done to my vagina
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
