Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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