I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
