If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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