can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
