Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
