My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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