just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
