I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
