zippers are such a cool invention
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
