ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
