im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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