I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
