So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
