mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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