I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
