Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
