You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
