I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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