My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
