So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
