My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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