Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So I just went to clothing optional bar
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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