i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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