the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
