Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
