They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
