Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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