I just saw a hot homeless man
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
