hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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