I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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