we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
