I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
