i barfeds in our rink
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
