He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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