you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
