I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
