Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Did I show you my penis last night?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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