just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
is that a dick in a sweater?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
