mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She's the barista slut.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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