Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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