ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
