I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Shame is for Republicans.
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