i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
