I am puke
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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