I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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