So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
