look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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