i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
